The Scene

It was a Tuesday.  A Tuesday like any other Tuesday.

I was working on a web page for work when I was approached by a batman underwear wearing individual, “Name Withheld to Protect the Innocent”.

I was informed by the aforementioned batman that he needed to heed mother natures call.  I knew by his look, that he needed to use the SUTBT/SDTBS to reach his destination.

* Stand Up to be Tall / Sit Down to be Small – step stool

On Location

Off to the facilities Batman and I went.  Everything went according to plan, “Almost!”.

Batman was able to utilize the facilities, but when it came time to flush, an exceedingly odd and disheartening thing happened, or more accurately, didn’t happen.

The Problem

The toilet. The commode. The john. The loo. Whatever…didn’t do it’s siphoning thingy.  And now with the water level dangerously elevating, I had a rather ominous feeling that instead of the afternoon nap I had so carefully planned, I would instead be playing the role of “Dad the Plumber” so that my little Batman could continue to fight crime.

The Dirt “How I Love My Children, Let Me Count the Ways.”

At first I attempted all the normal procedures one does with a naughty loo.  I cursed.  Didn’t help.  I checked for obsticles, “Don’t ask.” I couldn’t find any.  Before long it became clear the loo had to go.  I removed the commod, detattached the water tank and tilted the thing over.  The following pictures speak for themselves. Make sure to hold cursor over images.

The_Loo_Fairy

The_Endangered_Blueloo_Dino

“Batman uncovers a Conspiracy” or “A criminal returns to the scene of the crime”.

Having unmounted the loo, removed the water tank, extracted the diving fairy and the blue dino I now had to put everything back together.  Getting those darn loo bolts and the hard pipe to the water valve all lined up and reattached had me in quite a mood, but i must admit to being somewhat amused and proud of my little criminals by the entire situation as well.  So after everything was reconnected, cleaned and mopped up I was about ready to exit the bathroom when I was approached by Subject­-B.  (Name withheld to protect the innocent) “His  name is Christian, Christian is his name. Did I mention his name is Christian?”

Subject­-B then says without any fanfare:  “O’Hey, did you get the fairy out of the toilet?

To which I responded by saying: “WHAT?”

Subject­-B, still not detecting my mood: “O’Yeah, I watched Ireland, “Subject-C” pull the fairy out and try to flush it again. “

To which I responded by saying: “WHAT??”

Subject­-B somehow still not detecting my mood then says: “Yeah, I watched her do that several days ago.”

Daddy: “$#@!~***! “

So I ask, in a slightly higher pitched voice: “So you not only knew there was a fairy in the toilet, but you watched your Sister attempt to flush a fairy down the toilet after failing to successfully do so the 1st time around, and you not only didn’t bother to tell you sister she shouldn’t do that, but you also somehow forgot to tell you parents as well???”

Some lights click on upstairs, I could tell by the straightening back, and the dilating pupils,

Then Subject­B says: “O, No, I didn’t know their was a fairy in the toilet, I didn’t have anything to do with it.”

History

You see there is some history to the fairy in the toilet.

One Saturday morning in the Fall of 2008, I awoke to just about the most horrendous crying I have ever heard coming from Subject­C. As Ireland’s father I ran to her, heart pounding in my chest all the while thinking horrible thoughts of what had happened to cause those cries of agony.  Did she fall down the stairs and break something?  Did she stick something in a light socket?  Was she crying because one of her other siblings had done something?

I found Ireland standing at the top of the stairs wailing uncontrollably, almost unable to breath;

Daddy:   Ireland, what happened?  Are you Hurt?

Ireland:  Istanushyairyodduderownthaoilet?

Daddy:   What?

Ireland:  Christanushedmyairyodduderownthaoliet?

Daddy:   What?

Ireland:  Christian flushed my fairy godmother down the toilet!

Daddy:   He did what? Christian!!!!

Personal Note

On my list of things I thought I would hear in my life time, that was not one of them.

Also while I give extreme high marks for creativity and the pa nosh Christian needed to sell flushing the fairy godmother down the loo, Subject-B received a very stern lecture on what it means to be a big brother.

Back to the Scene of the Crime

So now that I know it was actually Subject-C that did the flushing, and that Subject-B was an accomplish and that Batman was totally innocent in this caper, now I have to make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Sentencing

Christian has been sentenced to do papers on Siphoning, the bowl siphon and a paper on Coriolis effect just because.

Ireland I need some help with.  I need a constructive way to illustrate to her that what she did, she should never do again.  Any Ideas?